sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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