fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
