I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
