Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
