Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
