True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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