im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
