Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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