Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
