that's what penises do
they tell lies.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
