I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize