R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
