Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
