I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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