Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
