Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
