you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
