So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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