Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Someone came in the potted fern
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
