This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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