I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
