Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
