Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
