i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
