i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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