I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
