We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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