We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he thought i was a dude.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I could fuck to npr.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
