the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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