I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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