I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
