in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
