the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
