Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
