so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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