what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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