that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize