Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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