how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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