I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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