Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
