You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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