glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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