You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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