You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize