we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize