So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
