i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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