He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
