I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
