You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize