Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
