She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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