You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
