This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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