best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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