Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
