You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My vagina is very pro this idea
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
