He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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