just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
