I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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