we're blogging at a bar
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
