Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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