I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
