I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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