Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
