This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
third nipple confirmed
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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