There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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