I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
And then he peed in my hair
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