Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
