I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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