I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
