Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
