she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
