He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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