took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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