so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
