He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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