I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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