you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize