It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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