My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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