So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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