Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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